River House Restaurant & Bar, Stirling

I suppose that if you run with a gang you shouldn't be surprised if no good comes of it. No, this is not about to be a confession of youthful indiscretions in years gone by. The group in question is the Hill Place Gang, each of whom is a respectable, bus pass carrying member of society. Sometime residents of Ardrossan, plus other halves, it was a funeral that brought us together.

Digressing slightly, do you now find that you have friends and acquaintances whom you tend to encounter only in crematoria or at gravesides?  Do, as we did here and get together before it's your funeral they're all attending.

Location, location and location. Almost the only three things this place has going for it. Actually, that's a little unfair. Add the setting and the interior, both striking. But as L's dad was wont to say, you can't live on a view. And as Abraham Lincoln did not say, you can fool most of the people most of the time.

I really can think of no other reasons to visit. The gang members were all based in towns more or less equidistant from here. You access it just off the motorway, and if there are no roadworks (an increasing rarity in any part of Scotland) it's very convenient. A great place to propose a toast to the late Auntie W.

It was established in the early 2000s by a group including Simon Littlejohn who along with son Josh went on to found Social Bite restaurants, and Alex Knight, perhaps better known as Mr Carol Smillie. It has been in the hands of Cawley Hotels for about a decade. Cards on the table. I started to get vaguely annoyed just recalling this meal from as far back as May. My irritation increased when reading the website proclaiming it as Stirling's Newest Restaurant & Bar. No, it's not.

It is, however, a rather lovely place, with a reasonably warm welcome. The friendly warning at the car park to Beware of the Crocodiles, does raise a chuckle. The décor is stunning and the space is huge. One of the staff tells me that at Christmas time they can do over 1000 covers in a day. And that is supplying choices from an a la carte menu of nearly 60 items, the majority of which are also available gluten free. In the interests of completeness I should say that they  also serve breakfast, coffees, cakes etc.

I read a review which said that they haven't fallen into the common trap of providing too big a range of food. The same review said it was good value for money. I disagree with both The menu is wall to wall crowd pleasers.  Nothing wrong with that of course. Before sampling the fare I would happily have ordered almost everything on the list. But start to eat and it goes downhill.

Let's start with that great standard setter, fish and chips. Fish  - tasteless and a bit soggy; chips (a choice of hand cut or fries) - not crisp and not terribly hot. With volumes such as this, I do wonder if the hand which cut them was on the premises. The scampi were no better. Chef could do with a refresher at deep frying school. A superfood bowl was colourful and rather better received. It was one of only two dishes under fifteen pounds and a charred chicken breast added another six. That's a very hard thing to get right. They tried. Thai spiced chicken was better.

Our group of six was seated at a nice round, banquette seated table. Great for a private chat: less good in that it seemed to be fitted with camouflage netting. There were plenty of staff around, but  basic waiting skills were lacking. At a busy time it may take one or two attempts to attract attention. That's OK, but not when a member of the company has to rise and go searching for service. I think that happened at least twice. Getting and paying the bill seemed to be a 15 minute process.

Did we have a good time? Yes, we did, but that was down to the great company and conversation. The food is not the number one concern on such occasions. Thus I suspect my fellow diners may be surprised when they read this. Sadly, once a reviewer, always a reviewer.